Alice saw the care and education of her children as her sacred duty. She prized their sympathy, confidence and love. She loved to read to them, teach them and share her passion for poetry with them. But she couldn't help herself when it came to housework.
On 3 July 1863 she wrote to John, who was away on business while the family was at Penmaenmawr
I have just been eating some cold rice pudding after regaling the better part on an interesting chapter on Dr Chalmers. It is such a treat to sit in quiet and read half an hour, oblivious of the rent trowsers, the worn stockings or the dusty room [1]
He must have been very pleased to think of her sitting restfully – incidentally, she was not reading light fiction but a book of pen portraits of famous men, Dr Thomas Chalmers (1780-1847) being a celebrated Scottish Presbyterian minister, theologist and political economist – and wrote back the next day
I must try to bring you a new selection of reading – and so get you to rest sometimes in spite of yourself and the holey stockings [2]
She went to Skipton to recover from the holiday, and her sister Lizzie took her in hand.
I was in bed till noon for my good sister ran away with my clothes and fed me with good things before she would allow me to rise [3]
she wrote to John, who was delighted to hear it. On 16 August 1863 he wrote
My own beloved and most precious wife,I was very glad to have your welcome letter this morning. It reminds me of my sister Mary's words "Your wife's mind, John, is too good to be spent on secondary objects"
Alice had said she felt much happier after she had accepted the weakness and exhaustion as her appointed trial. He urged her
Be content to vegetate for a season. Trees and flowers do not blossom nor make much wood while the fruit is ripening [4]
But it was a recurrent difficulty for her. In 1864 John wrote to her
You are always a help and solace to me except when you get over-weighted with work and then you pull me down when you are sinking and I cannot extricate either you or myself [5]
And the following year he wrote
Now that you are away you can judge of some things better than when you are in the whirlpool of daily occupation here. So I want you to think by what means you may keep your mind lightest and freshest when you get back, and what alterations you can make in domestic arrangements to leave you more at liberty from pressure of overwork and routine drudgery
and Alice replied
The reform I think most about is to see more of my little children. I shall set Annie to do some household business which I have done and thus secure a certain portion of time with my babies [6]
She was very clear on the theory – she wrote on 29 October 1859
a mother's life has many joys to counterbalance the anxieties and responsibilities … And I can see, when looking from a distance, that it is right to set oneself free to enjoy the peculiar pleasures of one's lot as much as possible; I feel it is intended we should be happy [7]
but putting it into practice was far more difficult.
We don't, in fact, know how Alice spent her days. The letters – which were a sort of running conversation between John and Alice while they were apart – have gone. So have the many detailed letters she sent to friends and family. Her correspondence must have taken up a great deal of her time. We can see that family often stayed with Alice and John. But did her circle of friends and neighbours make and receive morning visits? Did they entertain each other to dinner? Did Alice regularly teach at Sunday School? We know that her elder sister Jane, in her short married life in Bradford, was (to paraphrase Mary Hopkinson) a centre of blessed influence in Bradford, especially among the students of the nearby Airedale Independent College, a dissenting academy for the training of Nonconformist ministers. Did this example inspire Alice? Did she have time for voluntary charitable work? How much of her time was absorbed in pregnancy, childcare and housework? We only know that her family and friends watched in frustration as Alice, with so much intelligence, understanding and ability, got lost in darning and dusting.
When she wrote to John on 10 January 1865 of the recent Mothers' Meeting,
We had a comfortable Mothers' Meeting. I ventured a remark by way of comment now and then to take off the sameness and call forth sympathy and feeling [8]
his pleasure in hearing her take a leading part is clear:
It has been a great gratification to hear that you felt at liberty at the Mothers' Meeting; you have so much ability of this order that it should not be lost or subordinated to darning or dusting, important and necessary as these are in their way … Are you taking care of yourself my precious one? … you are so thin and so far from strong [9]
But Alice never seems to have been able to cut back on the housework for long. On 30 June 1867, young John aged nearly 18, gave her a scolding
John Hopkinson jnr 1867-8 My dear Mother,Alfred told us that baby was a little better but that you were not taking proper rest. Now that won't do at all, and I can hardly see any necessity for it because you have Annie to watch baby half the time, and any other work there is, is not of the slightest importance as compared with your health and comfort in the estimation of any but yourself. It spoils our pleasure very much not having you with us; but it is worse when we cannot trust you to take care of yourself; it makes one want to be at home to make you rest. Alfred says you sew more than is good for you. Now that is infinitely worse than it would be to mend [illegible]. Do see that your health is more valuable to your children than all the stockings, coats, trousers, etc., in Christendom [10]
But Alice still could not help herself. On 11 May 1871 she wrote
I have been working hard as long as my strength would hold out … A Spring Clean with eight children depending on one is rather much I find … I certainly could not leave the business to my present servants without supervision.[11]
We can see how zealous the Spring Clean was from Mary's description in a letter to Alice on 20 June 1885:
Gertrude, May and I have had a very happy day. Our spirits were good enough to make us quite hilarious even over curtain mending and we came to the conclusion that 'the three old maids of Lee were as happy as happy could be' … The mornings are entirely taken up with housework and mending. I am sure your heart would be quite satisfied could you see me finding out dust in nooks and crannies and looking sideways to discover its whereabouts [12]
And unfortunately one effect of Alice trying to lighten the burden on herself was that she burdened poor, willing Ellen. On 26 May 1870 Ellen wrote to her
I know it is very wrong, but I feel as if I could not order another dinner; I do detest it … I have just been seeing the little ones to bed … I am a great deal better tonight except my back aches badly for I have been sewing as hard as I could all day. You know it is Thursday of washing week and things seem to want more mending than usual [13]
It was very understandable – after the sudden deaths of her sister Lizzie in May and her sister-in-law Mary Tubbs in June – that Alice should be writing on 9 July 1866
Nelly is invaluable to me and I do not think she feels it any hardship to minister to me [14]
but it was too much of a burden for the adoring and devoted Nelly, who was never strong. She was not yet eleven when John wrote to Alice in Skipton
Poor Nellie cried in bed last night under the sense of responsibility and want of Mama's counsel and help [15]
And Ellen Ewing wrote
There is still in memory a vivid word picture by one of the brothers, portraying Ellen, weakly as she was, hard at work over the family's "chores" throughout the whole of many a fine day [16]
We can see from Alice's comments when she went to visit young John and his new wife that Alice had her own high standards and expectations of housekeeping. She struggled with Evelyn's ways, writing to John on 21 April 1873
I must follow up your advice and not trouble about scratched furniture, plate, etc, and all best things in daily use. I say to myself it is only a matter of money – earlier replacement, no great concern if they can afford it, and, if not, they must use the spoilt or do without. What say you to my conclusions? [17]
Notes
[1] ibid., p. 37
[2] & [3] ibid., p. 38
[4] ibid., p. 39 ripening
[5] ibid., p. 40 myself
[6] ibid., p. 44 babies
[7] ibid., p. 30 happy
[8] ibid., p. 42 feeling
[9] ibid., p. 43 strong
[10] ibid., p. 49 christendom
[11] ibid., p. 65 supervision
[12] ibid., p. 66 whereabouts
[13] ibid., p. 59 usual
[14] ibid., p. 48 me
[15] ibid., p. 40 help
[16] ibid., p. 65 day
[17] ibid., p. 63
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