37. "The weight of responsibility as a Mother": educating little children

We know that the older children helped by teaching the little ones.  Alfred wrote in 1930

Being the eldest but one of a large family I watched, and sometimes could be of some help in, the education of the younger children, as my elder brother in a better and more effective way helped me [1]

In the same way, Mary taught her little brother Harry.  But we also know of occasions when Alice took on paid help with teaching the little ones.  There is a glimpse of a governess or nursery governess in June 1857.  John wrote from Manchester to Alice in Skipton about the children, saying that he thought 

How these dear ones do repay a little devotion to them and thought of them.  Miss K. has not got hold of them by the right end. [2]

He may possibly mean Miss Neild (thinking the K was silent as in knee) who is mentioned in 1858, 1862 and 1863.  John describes her as "Mother's Help" in his notes on the family holiday of August 1862.  It seems likely that Miss Neild was someone that Alice called upon when extra help was needed.  She may well be the Miss Maria Neild listed in the 1861 census 35 miles from Manchester at Vine Grove, Birkdale on the Lancashire coast.  This Miss Neild was born in Manchester in about 1810 and describes herself as "formerly a governess".

In February 1858 Alice was in Skipton.  She wrote to John on 6 February saying

I heard from Miss Neild this morning.  One piece of information distressed me sadly; she says Johnnie is not kind to Alfred and Nellie.  If I have time I will write Johnnie a line this evening. 

This news had shaken Alice considerably.  She continued

Dearest I do increasingly feel the weight of responsibility as a Mother.  When I see these fruits, natural products of the unregenerate heart, I tremble and look forward with deep anxiety for the future [3]

It's possible that Miss Neild remembered Alice's distressed reaction of 1858 when she wrote to her with news of the children five years later.  She certainly knew what pride Alice took in the way her children treated each other.  Alice left Miss Neild in charge in February 1863.  She may have gone away for a rest, possibly feeling particularly nervous and strained as she was actually in the early weeks of expecting Albert, her tenth.  On 7 February Miss Neild wrote to her brightly

My dear friend,

I know you will like a line on Sunday morning to say how your precious children are.  All good!  There!  What more shall I say? 

She gave a minute account of each child (not included in the edited letters) with the reassuring words

It is very pleasant to see in all the great love they have for each other. [4]

In May 1865 Alice realised that she needed more regular help with the children's early education.  She and John began to search carefully for a governess with the right principles and Nonconformist background who could take Alice's place in the nursery.  They were very taken with the letter of application received from the 19 year old Esther Wells of Nottingham and the explanatory letter sent by her elder sister Miss Anne Eliza Wells. [5]  They decided to give Esther a trial and she arrived in Manchester at Midsummer.  

Esther Wells c1875

She was not of the servant class and there was no question that she would be paid £12 a year.  John wrote to Alice on 21 May 1865

I care little about the amount provided you really have the help in this respect that you need.  Suppose that you begin with £25 raising it as may be proper hereafter.  I do trust that this young lady may be one after your own heart and that she may be a great comfort and help to you  [6]

How long Esther actually worked for them as a governess is not clear.  It seems from the extracts from letters written by Ellen and Esther in February 1870 that Esther was still employed, but that she was also a great friend of Ellen, who went to stay with her in Nottingham a couple of months later.  And in 1873 she married Ellen's brother Alfred.

Besides the servants, nurses, mother's help and governess, Alice also had a great deal of help from John.  He was always a practical help.  On 23 February 1857 he wrote

Have rectified the smoking nursery completely and improved front parlour at the same time [7].  

He was efficient at shopping for her.  When she was away in Skipton in January 1858 leaving Miss Neild in charge, she wrote to John with a list of commissions, of which these are quoted

If you are in Market St will you buy two yards of plaided material at Jenkinson's for a dress for Alfred … I brought a dress of mine but find it will cut more advantageously for the girls.  Father would be glad if you would bring two pairs of nice soles about 2½ lbs or 3 lbs each pair.  Also a good fresh lobster if the price is not too extravagant … When you come will you bring a good clean chemise for me; there is one in the dining room ottoman [8]

He was a very engaged father.  He was, wrote his grandson Bertram, "a teacher of exceptional ability" and a man who, "more than most fathers, made companions of his children" [9].  He always seems to have had time for children.

By the end of the 1870s, Alice was in her fifties.  After thirteen pregnancies and the death of little Harry, the serious breakdown in her health had left her very reduced.  Ellen, who had been the willing slave to domestic duties, had died in 1875 and 18 year old Mary had taken over Ellen's duties.  Work in the home was nothing new for her – she had always had to fit it in with her schoolwork – but luckily she was physically and mentally much stronger than Ellen.  

By the end of the decade it seems that Mary had taken on even more work.  Ellen Ewing tells us that letters from 1878 and 1879 refer to Mary "ordering the meals, attending to the laundry, dealing with her Mother's correspondence, interviewing her younger sisters' teachers and visiting the sick poor".[10]  Was this mostly when Alice was away from home?  What did Alice do for herself?  We don't know.  This was the beginning of Mary's lifetime devotion of her talents to the support of her mother.  Highly efficient and intellectual, Mary had a natural authority.  Her friends later used to say she would have made a fine headmistress.

"Learning and teaching are her great pleasures" as her Mother wrote.  And again "She is more fitted to rule than obey." [11]

But her mother became her "precious charge" and she took on the burden of the spring cleaning and household management.

Notes

[1] Sir Alfred Hopkinson, K.C., LL.D., Penultima (1930) pub. Martin Hopkinson Ltd, p. 221

[2] John and Alice Hopkinson 1824-1910 (1948) ed. Mary Hopkinson and her niece Lady Ewing, with a Preface by Sir Gerald Hurst, K.C., p. 27

[3] ibid., p. 29

[4] ibid., p. 37

[5] ibid., p. 45

[6] ibid., p. 46

[7] ibid., p. 27

[8] ibid., p. 29

[9] Original Papers by the late John Hopkinson, D.Sc., F.R.S. edited with a Memoir by B. Hopkinson, B.Sc (1901), Vol 1, pub. CUP, (available online at archive.org), p. xiii

[10] John and Alice Hopkinson 1824-1910, p. 74

[11]  ibid.